New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
tell me about the fingering
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