it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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