Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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