Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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