my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
