just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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