Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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