Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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