i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My bed smells like the plague
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
