We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
