This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
