Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
