You smell like stripper and shame
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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