How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
