So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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