if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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