So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
