Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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