im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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