He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
