he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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