no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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