I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
