So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
