I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
