Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
