Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
