3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
