Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
