I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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