nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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