we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
