Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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