I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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