I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
