Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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