Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
