K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
