Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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