Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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