It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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