Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
