Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
