dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
