Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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