You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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