Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Drunk is a universal language darling
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