im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
