capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
