I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So many bounce houses so little time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
