woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Who died my cat blue again?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
